Question:

Are these dudes high?

Random Chuck Norris Facts

Taken from Chuck Norris Fact Generator

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time.
Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".


Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.

Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants off.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people.
It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Unclean, unclean...

Alright. I must confess. I am now one of the afflicted.

I too have caught the Celebrity Big Brother bug. It's so sad, I know. I tried so hard to resist but I have been pulled into to it's freakish, dysfunctional web. Queen Bitch Pete, nutjob Michael Barrymore and co are far too absorbing viewing.

There is one nice one among the bunch. The adorable Preston. Yes I do have a wee crush. He is reasonably attractive and on top of that is such a sweetie. If you're curious, here's what he looks like.

Waster

Unemployment is weird. Hopefully I won't be in this state too much longer. I do feel like I should be doing some work or something instead of pottering around and killing time at an internet cafe somewhere in central London.

Hope y'all are up to something much more productive than me.

Photos galore!

I've uploaded a series of photos from my trip to this handy Flicker website.

Look at that lovely summery weather. *sigh* I don't get summer for a whole year!

The legend of the Hot Dog Man

This reminds me of the time we where in Portugal searching desperately for the Hog Dog Man. We were staying in Lagos, Portugal; a lovely little beach town in the Algarve. Arriving into Lagos, we had been told by our Busabout guide about the amazing Hot Dog Man who would show up at night with the yummiest hot dogs ever in the streets of Lagos whereever you had been out drinking.

After a suitably messy night out on the town, we started searching for the Hot Dog Man. Now Lagos is a very small town so we figured we had a decent chance of tracking him down. It turned out to be a wild goose chase that ended up involving us being "chased" by 5 identical Portuguese quintuplets (or so we thought), almost wandering out of the town completely, being photographed next to a motorcycle by some random strangers and other bizarre encounters. In the end there was no sign of the Hot Dog Man, so we had to make do with a fast food outlet instead. Fortunately for us, they sold the best hamburgers in Europe. (well at least the parts of Europe I've been to)

After the madness of our pursuit we were so relieved that, at Lesley's initiation, we all slow clapped as the burgers were delivered to our table.

Aah the memories.

Darren Brown will kill you!

Is it just me or does the guy with the gun in the corner of the "Derailed" movie posters in the tube stations look like Derren Brown?

Look out for it those of you in Londontown.

That Derren Brown, he's a dangerous man, what with his mind tricks and such. And now he's menacing Jennifer Anniston with a gun.

Watch out, he'll kill ya!

Worst day of the year

Today is officially the worst day of the year, according to my one-time temp agency Office Angels. While it does suck being back at work, with only two weeks to go as well, it hasn't been too bad considering. (I say this now and my day will go to hell shortly)

January in London is much less enjoyable than in NZ, despite the fact I do like living here. The profusion of summer BBQs and parties, as well as all those trips to the beach, always make the start of the year so much more fun.

Here in London people stop going out after the excesses of the festive season; plus all we have to look forward to is the weather getting colder. Woo!